Eddie Montgomery Launches Presidential Campaign 
The
2012 presidential race just got a little more interesting with news
that singer Eddie Montgomery (of Montgomery Gentry) will pursue the
Republican nomination.
At a political tour stop in Ohio on Sunday, Montgomery fielded a
question concerning the right of migrant workers to obtain
government-funded healthcare.
“You do your thing, I’ll do mine,” the entertainer-turned-candidate
smirked mischievously from beneath his broad-rimmed black hat. After
exhibiting some confusion at Montgomery’s complete failure to address
the question he had been posed, the crowd pepped up again as he grabbed a
nearby mic stand and gave it a few twirls, bouncing up and down on the
balls of his feet as if deranged.
“Whaddaya think about that?!” he shouted to raucous applause as
confetti cannons fired and a large Jim Beam banner unfurled behind him.
Several attendees agreed that it was Montgomery’s playful enthusiasm
and everyman charm that sealed the deal, cementing him as their
candidate of choice.
“Most politicians seem so serious and knowledge-y, like they think
they’re better than regular folk,” said local newspaper deliverywoman
and Montgomery convert Odessa Collins. “Eddie is just so happy and
approachable. You never feel stupid around him. Plus, his campaign is
being sponsored by a company called Average Joe’s. You know? Them’s my
people. The choice seems obvious to me.”
Clarifying his position on birth control, Montgomery took to Twitter
on Sunday evening with a promise to treat “your town as if it was My
Town. Hell yeah. Right on.”
At press time, nobody in Montgomery’s camp would speculate as to
whether bear enthusiast friend ‘Tee-Roy’ Gentry or washed-up country
singer brother John Michael would serve as his running mate. Within
minutes of announcing his campaign, Montgomery had already catapulted
into fourth place among the remaining Republican nominees, prompting Jon
Huntsman to drop out and move to Fiji.
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